1-3-21 Boundaries are not Walls
Quote: “The only people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who were benefiting from you having none.”
Welcome to our first blog of 2021! Thank you for faithfully reading each Sunday and for sharing them with your friends and family. It is an honor to write each week and I thank God for the verses and images and sayings he points out to me each week through your Facebook posts.
A group of around 30 women are starting up a 4 month journey this coming week to study the book, “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. If you want a Biblical perspective on how to live and make healthy boundaries in your relationships, there is no other book out there that does it better. And the best part it is loaded with verses from the Bible to back everything they say with Scripture.
Me? I’m not so good with boundaries. Never have been. In fact, I’ve already read this book! I highlighted half the book and still didn’t make many changes. I’d much rather have people happy than to speak the real truth. (Fun sidenote: my 2021 word of the year is TRUTH…for obvious reasons.)
The biggest problem with boundaries is exactly what the quote above is about: when we aim to please other people or ourselves, we’re missing the whole point. This life isn’t about us at all. It’s about living the real life we were all meant to live – one where we are pleasing God. And so when we start to make changes in our life to get back on track, that’s where the problems start. Others are used to you being you and they may start to struggle with the healthier new version of yourself. When they react to your changes in a negative way, you may be tempted to go back to your old self – it’s just easier. But it’s not! And this is where the big turning point is. This is when you realize this is exactly why you need healthy boundaries with people! I am hoping my divas for Jesus sisters will help me as I read it through a second time – this time with them.
Jesus was a master at making healthy boundaries! He said no to inappropriate behavior – manipulation, pride, cynicism, entitlement, and abuse. He took time to meet his personal needs, he received support from friends, he enjoyed solitude, he enjoyed living in the moment, he lived an unhurried pace of life, and he abandoned all outcomes to his Father.
He also spoke the truth in love to those that needed it – those that were in addiction, were misguided, and one time even turned tables over because of exploitation. But he didn’t put up nasty, bitter walls with people. No, he did quite the opposite. One of my favorite stories of Jesus setting a boundary is in Matthew 19:13-15. This is the story: “Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked him. Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’ When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there.” Isn’t that such a sweet story? Every time I read it I get goosebumps!
He found a way to make a firm line in the sand at how wrong they were. While others would have said, “Hey buddies! Back off. Are you so clueless that you don’t even realize how important children are?!” No, he made it clear with his words that all children were welcome to come to him. But then he went a step further and took the time to pat each kiddo on the head, to show his followers how to love others. He put his words into action – and he did it in love.
He is such a great example of how to do life with boundaries. The absolute best.
If you are interested in our joining our group, there is still room for YOU! Please sign up by clicking on this link so we can quickly get a book to you! https://www.daniellezieroff.com/shop
