1-17-21 Circle or Cage

Quote: “We need to figure out if people around us are our circle or our cage.” – Unknown

Do you ever read a quote like this and your first thought is…. daaaaaaaang! Truthbomb right there.

It’s so true.  Your vibe attracts your tribe.  You get to decide who is in your circle of trust.  (Whenever I think of the circle of trust I think of the movie, “Meet the Parents” where Robert De Niro is constantly reminding Ben Stiller’s character “I’m watching you!” LOL)

Your circle is the people who you trust the most.  They are your ride-or-die peeps.  They are all in.  They love you unconditionally, no matter your weaknesses or mistakes.  I’ve spent most of my adult life looking for those individuals.  It’s hard.  Sometimes there is one.  Sometimes there are many.  My counselor offered me some great advice once about friends – they are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  They come and go, a constant flow of people that we often grow separate from – either geographically or by choice.  They change with your children’s seasons.  They change based on your work seasons.  Some stick and others move on.

When we are in middle school and high school, our circles of influence are kind of limited.  Your youth group or classmates determined your circle.  But something happens in college and adulthood – we actually get to choose who we want to surround ourselves with.  We don’t have to be close with every person we meet.  We get to be choosy.

I’d love for you to get out a piece of paper and write down your circle of 10.  Who is in your close circle?  My hubby, mom, sister, and grandma would be at the top of my list.  But try making your list excluding family from the list.  Who is not related by blood but you feel like they are?  I have a quote on my wall in my living room that says “Home: Where you treat your friends like family and your family like friends.”  Who is your “framily”?  Make your list.

Now next to each person’s name, write down the areas of your life that they are inspiring you or encouraging you to be become a better human.

Did you get stuck on any of your friends?  Were there any that you had a difficult time writing inspirations next to their name?  They might not be meant for your circle.  They might have become more like a cage.

If our goal in life is to live our best life, we have got to have people in our corner that are constantly cheering us on to become better versions of ourselves.  If we are only pouring into them and they are not giving back, it might be time to have a coffee date with them.  I did that once.  That conversation did not go well.  I made the mistake of asking them what they loved best about our friendship.  This close friend said, and I quote, “You are really fun to be around.”  From my point of view, the hours that I’d spent mentoring this woman and the amount of time I’d invested had served its purpose.  I’m not just in this life to be the fun chica.  I’m here to inspire and encourage.

You know who was really good at having a circle of friends instead of a cage?  Jesus.  It says in Luke 6:12-16, “One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God.  When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose 12 of them, who he also designated apostles: Simon Peter, Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James, Simon, Judas (son of James), and Judas (who became a traitor).

But did you catch what happened before he chose his 12?  He prayed.  He prayed all day and then spent the night praying.  God spoke to him and told him who his circle was.  And you’ll note that the last one listed is Judas, who became a traitor and turned him into the authorities to be killed.  (Yikes!)  But the point is he consulted with his Father about who should be in his circle.  He didn’t have a cage of friends.  They weren’t suffocating.  They followed Jesus, they supported him, they did life together, they laughed and cried, they went on adventures, and they inspired each other to be better people.

Ask God who should be in your circle and who shouldn’t.  A reason, a season, or a lifetime.  We were meant to live free, abundant lives.  No cages allowed.