4-12-20 No Preaching Needed
Quote: “When someone is going through a rough time…just sit with them. No preaching, no advice. Just be there.”
I am a talker. Ha, ha. For those of you that know that, you’re probably saying, uh, yeah you are! I was probably the kid in school that teachers never forgot – and not for a good reason. My grandparents taped conversations of me when I was little. I have been listening to them while I’ve been working on a project at the house. If you think I have a lot to say now, you should have heard me as a 4-year-old! Good gracious – chatty Cathy has nothing on me.
But a jabber jaw can also be a curse.
Sometimes, people don’t want your advice. They don’t want to be told what they are doing wrong and how to fix it. And they definitely don’t want you to tell them “I told you so!” Maybe sometimes, they just want you to listen. There’s a reason God gave us TWO ears and ONE mouth. Most people don’t want to be preached at. They just want you to be there, to be a listening ear. If they ask for your advice then yes, by all means, give them the wisdom that your tongue is dying to share. But be aware that many times, people just want silence. Some may want to process internally and have you present for an occasional hug or the handing of a tissue. Or maybe they want to process out loud by spewing out their thoughts and have you give a nod in agreement. Just your presence may be enough. How each of us processes things is different depending on the situation we are facing.
When I saw this picture and caption, I immediately saw such comfort. The dog is obviously not happy about the cone. The cat isn’t there trying to rip the cone off or meowing loudly to annoy the dog. It’s just joining the dog right where it’s at, letting the dog know it doesn’t have to face this miserableness alone. Without saying a word, the dog feels the warmth of the friendship and they both feel the peace that comes when someone agrees to come along side of you during a trial.
Right now, most of us can’t physically be there for people since we are stuck safe at home. Thank goodness for technology! A Facebook messenger video call, a Face Time call, a Whats App chat, or even a (gasp!) phone call – these all give us the chance to let someone else talk and for us to just listen. Don’t put in your two cents. Just say, “I’m here for you.” I remember one time I was going through a really hard time and a good friend of mine listened to me and simply said, “I am team Danielle all the way. No matter what. Always.” This brought such reassurance and so much comfort knowing she was hearing what I was saying and would be there, no matter what, to help me through it. I knew she couldn’t fix the situation, but I knew she would pray me through it.
This reminds of a verse in James in the Bible. It says in James 1:19, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” I could even apply this verse to my children. Sometimes we are in such a hurry and their explanation for a situation just drags on and on. I know a quick solution and if they would just stop talking, I could make it all better! But I’ve noticed that the times I’ve really made the effort to hear them out – I mean really gave them focused eyes and listening ears as we call them in kindergarten – I’ve seen their point of view in a different light and can empathize with what they are trying to say. I approach them with an answer from a different angle than I had originally planned on doing. Slow to speak is hard for me, especially after a long day at work. But my kiddos deserve the chance to be heard, too, not just my students. Same goes for my husband. Waiting until someone is done talking without interrupting them shows them respect.
I wonder what would happen if we all just took the time to ask the people in our life, “Hey, how are you doing with this whole virus thing? Anything that you’re struggling with that you need to talk out?” How neat would it be if their answer was, “Actually, I’m not doing very well. I…” and then we were given the opportunity to just let someone talk their feelings out. For some of us, it will be hard to do nothing but listen. It’s definitely a skill that has to be practiced!
Let’s be good listeners…and only use words if we absolutely have to!
